Coff's Harbour

It may not be the Utopia of Thomas More’s book but the restaurant of the same name provides the best breakfast of the trip in the charming little town of Bangalow. The fish ‘n chips for lunch are not so good in the Scottish-themed town of Maclean, but I do manage to find my own tartan even if only on a lamppost and spelled wrong. It’s Saturday lunchtime and all the shops are closed in this ‘tourist’ town that makes Radiator Springs seem like a thriving metropolis. Apparently the shops are open from 9 to 5 all week long when the place is like a ghost town and then as soon as the tourists arrive in their droves on Saturday everyone buggers off for the weekend.

We continue our long drive towards Coffs Harbour and make a short detour to the fascinating aboriginal settlement of Red Rock. Sadly the place didn’t get its name from the natural rock pigment but rather the blood stains during particularly frenetic tribal fighting. We decide to go on a little wetlands walk ‘en famille’. I then take the rather foolhardy decision to return via the river with Harley on my back, whilst Karen and Ruby return the way they came along the boardwalk. Despite being nipped on the toe by a mud crab it is a pleasant wallow followed by a fairly brisk float downstream. Harley has his first taste of dangerous adventure, clinging onto my shoulders as we speed past the girls and just manage to get to shore before the water gets too rocky and hurtles on towards the sea.

We’ve nothing booked at Coffs Harbour but end up in a very smart 4 ½ star 3-bed apartment. All well and good but we only have 1 night there before moving into our more affordable motel with Basil’s restaurant and Manuel’s conference centre. It would be amusing if we weren’t stuck there for 4 nights…
All’s well in the end as we’re not staying in the scabby rooms we first saw, but the much better 2-bed apartments round the back with tennis court and swimming pool. The huge TV encourages us to waste a couple of hours on the very watchable ‘Blood Diamond’ followed by the less watchable Carling Cup final defeat of the beloved Blues by the Spurs – the shame of it.

It’s Monday and what better way to start the new week than visit the premier attraction in town – THE BIG BANANA !! The banana itself is a bit of an anticlimax as although yellow and curved it’s not actually that big. Luckily there are real bananas here too and we get to walk up to the top of the plantation for a great view of the coastline. The kids enjoy an old 1960’s playground from the attraction’s inauguration that is still going strong along with its sharp metal edges only slightly blunted by time. We move swiftly on with the distraction of a distant toboggan as incentive. This turns out to be only slightly less scary as we ride with the kids down a twisting metal tray on a slightly smaller plastic tray. On the last run I let Ruby take control and have to grab it back at one stage, as she seems to have built up a bit too much courage. We pop in on a sweet factory on the way back where the candy making demonstration is fascinating, particularly the ‘pole dancing’ of the sugary ‘dough’ as it is stretched and the intricacy of the patterns on the tiny boiled sweets. Doesn’t stop them rotting your teeth though….

The next day we head to Pet Porpoise World that, despite the total lack of porpoises, is worthy of its award for best tourist attraction in New South Wales. After the enjoyable seal and dolphin shows we are all kissed by the cast - a first for everyone although the seal kiss did remind me of a rather hirsute ex girlfriend. The kids then feed the turtles and the cute little penguins. I hesitate over Ruby’s question of whether penguins are birds or fish proving that my brainpower is at an all time low due to lack of exercise.

Time for some exercise so, fuelled by some excellent fish ‘n chips at the local Fisherman’s co-op, I lead the troops up to the top of mutton bird island.12000 of these birds live here in little burrows on the cliffs but they’re all out fishing so we see 3. We do get very close to a hawk though as he is distracted by his rodent lunch and we also enjoy excellent views down the coast all the way to Southwest Rocks 50 kms away. Karen’s still not convinced….

For our final day in Coffs Harbour we take Ruby horse riding. Talk about the middle of nowhere. Even when we get to the signs we have to drive down a further half an hour of treacherous gravel tracks. The dense forest is periodically plunged into semi-darkness from the smoke of controlled forest fires that diffuse the midday sun in a beautiful but dangerous way as we narrowly avoid several massive logging trucks speeding to the mill with scant regard for smaller vehicles. On arrival we manage to score some free hotdogs left over from a school trip - lucky, as there seems to be no food for sale within a 20 km radius. Karen and Ruby go off for a 1hr trot and unexpectedly Harley gets offered a 30-minute ride too. I lead Harley’s horse Banjo whilst the teacher leads out her 4-year-old son. Harley says nothing at all for a full 20 minutes before deciding it’s actually great fun. We finish up doing mini jumps and ducking under trees. (Harley bends his neck rather than his waist at this point so I have to subtly push the branches away for him). Although Banjo seems to be leading me rather than vice versa we have fun and get back in time to see Karen and Ruby walk back in. They had a rather stubborn horse along with an abrupt German teacher and never even got to the trotting stage but it was still a good start.