Port Stephens

I’ve been looking forward to coming here for a while as it came strongly recommended by a couple of friends. It doesn’t disappoint with stunning scenery including a bay 2 ½ times the size of Sydney harbour, the incredible Stockton Bight, the largest moving sand dunes in the Southern Hemisphere and the surfside village of Anna Bay where the eucalypts are apparently dripping with koala’s.

We go green and stay in an Ecolodge complete with swarms of virulent mossies and a hole in the ground otherwise known as a Rotorloo. At least Harley has fun listening for the splats as the stools approach terminal velocity before hitting the ground several metres below. Karen is understandably more concerned that a snake might sneak up the hole (no not that one!!) during her ‘business’ time of the day. We only last a couple of days but in that time I manage to spot a koala in the wild with the kids whilst Karen is still shaking off the effects of her Mickey Finn. We try going back to the same spot to show Karen our wildlife discovery but the closest she gets to a hairy bum is at Samurai beach the next day. It’s clothing optional and as you might expect Karen gets her kit straight off whereas I’m a little cagier. Once concealed by a few rocks I feel a bit braver. Having checked no-one’s around, I pop into my birthday suit and then make a wild dash for the relative safety of the sea trying to look nonchalant at the same time as trying not to let my bits flap around too much in the breeze. Tricky but quite liberating…..OK too much information so moving swiftly on….

It turns out to be a rather dangerous walk around some rocks from Samurai to One Mile Beach as the tide is rising fast. At one particular point the sand dips dramatically. We are stranded waist deep in water. We desperately try to carry kids and bags past relentless crashing rollers. We make it with the kids unscathed although Karen has a cut foot and I’ve forgotten my shoes so have to do all again. As if to prove how dangerous it was I actually get knocked off my feet and rolled against the rocks by a particularly large wave and thankfully avoid major injury. Thank God the kids didn’t get hit by that one. After a bit of seagull chasing up the beach I leave the rest of the family and go for a little jog to fetch the car – Jesus I need a couple of games of squash and quick.

We decide to go on a 4WD tour of Stockton Bight. It’s quite a fun ride in our jeep up to the top of one of the steeper sand dunes. Out come the boards and it’s time for some sand surfing. Unfortunately the ride down is only 5 seconds but the climb back up is a couple of minutes of pure pain. Now I know what it felt like for Sean Connery’s character in ‘The Hill’. Having sledged down with the kids a couple of times I decide to have a go standing up ‘snowboard’ style which is bloody knackering even for 5 seconds. Karen and I are both puffing like Thomas by the time we get back up the top and we take a breather before the kids insist on another run. It’s Ok for them; they don’t have to lug 110 KG up the dune afterwards. At least our new pad has a lovely swimming pool + Jacuzzi to relax in afterwards and no fu**ing Rotorloo!!!!!

I decide on a bit more exercise but the girls aren’t biting so Harley and I go up Nelson’s Head on our own. We manage to scale the sizeable peak and enjoy the fantastic 360-degree bird’s eye views of Port Stephens from the summit. WOW – so good that I insist the others come up the next day. Harley completes the 2-hour trip both days without a single carry. Not bad for a three year old. We manage to squeeze in kookaburra feeding in the wild and a fish feast from the local co-op before heading off for some wine tasting in the Hunter Valley.