Return to Christchurch

You guessed it, another long drive. This time we cross the great central mountain range that runs the length of the country. It’s the Gods’ upturned canoe from Maori legend and it sure is a big canoe. The landscape becomes less green and more barren and rocky for a while, before we drop down again into the fertile valleys on our approach back to Christchurch. With memories of sleepless nights next to a nightclub still fresh in our minds, we upgrade to the chichi Crowne Plaza. Here we meet one of Karen’s friends Chay for an evening of tag drinking. Karen does the 8-10 shift whilst I put the kids to bed, then I get tagged for the 10-1am stint. Chay is an ex-copper turned customs official and we enjoy a few beers and a bit of a chat. Luckily we narrowly avoid the nightclub, as he has to go to work the next day. (I just can’t understand these people who feel they have to all troop off miserably to work on a Monday morning!).

Smug bastard that I am, I get a deserved hangover from hell next morning, but have to get up for the planned trip to Hanmer Springs. I don’t know if it’s my head or the weather but this rave review spa town is a bit of a disappointment. We sit in the stinking sulphurous lukewarm pools, full of other people’s skin complaints, waiting for the rain to clear or at least warm up a bit. It doesn’t and to make matters worse our overpriced room is like a sitcom set from the 70’s. Make that the 50’s, as it’s not flares and flower power, but rather old over-friendly couples cordially inviting us to partake of an aperitif in the billiard room.

I’m really trying Karen’s patience with yet another ‘prostitute with tattoos’ aka scenic route, this time round more twisting ‘c’ roads to Kaikoura. Luckily this time the destination surpasses the journey with a great day out dolphin watching. We set off by boat past giant albatrosses and along a stunning coastline of green hills and snow-capped peaks contrasting against the azure sea. After half an hour we spot a gigantic ‘super pod’ of dolphins that all being well are supposed to interact with the divers who are on the ‘proper tour’ while we spectate for a cheaper price. The horn sounds and they all jump in, splashing and shouting to try to ‘connect’ with these graceful mammals. Sadly for the divers and comically for us, as soon as all the flippers touch the water, the dolphins scarper sharpish, the horn sounds again and all the divers have to drag themselves back onto the boat. This farce is repeated a dozen times but Delphinidae Annoyingbastardus won’t play ball and the divers are knackered. Meanwhile we get a bird’s eye view of the dolphin gymnastics and ‘keel riding’ over hot cocoa and biscuits. Later we drive round to a seal colony. We are warned not to go too close and Harley and I take good heed. Karen and Ruby on the other hand can’t resist and whilst slowly approaching a big old male get surprised by a close range bark from the side as another seal pops out from behind a tree. They both nearly jump out of their skins and it is hilarious to watch – from a safe distance of course. We round off the day with fresh hot crayfish and a bottle of red at a recommended roadside shack – this is the best meal in a long time and we’ve had some good ones.
We drive back at dusk to the snazzy Millennium Hotel where we have to sneak the kids in the back door as they charge a rip-off NZ$140 for each extra person in a double room regardless of age. I feel morally justified as this really is taking the piss.