Return to Melbourne

Having picked up the family from a motel near the airport we head to St Kilda where we experience the famous Melbourne 4 seasons in one day. A spring morning heats up to a summery midday but by the time we are ready for the beach it’s turning very autumnal and we rush to the warm salty baths before it gets too wintry. I go for a haircut on trendy Acland Street that is decorated with models on the roofs (not the human kind). The place has a very Camden feel about it and the family go for a wander while I try to get some of the damage of my wonky Cairns haircut repaired. Come evening we drive to Dave and Sharon’s at 60 Canterbury Road. I am pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a Lara Bingle look-alike in her PJ’s. Was Sharon really this hot or has Dave been carefully selecting his nannies? It turns out to be neither, rather there are several 60 Canterbury Roads, a different one in each suburb. Sadly this means that Dave and Sharon’s house is still a good half an hour’s drive away through the hectic dusk rushhour. To make matters worse I spend most of the time in the fast lane looking for the elusive right turn to their house.

Eventually we arrive and meet the kids: Matt (13), Lucy (11) and Ali (7).Dave is in the process of extending the house to include granny flat and Jacuzzi but there’s no time to check it out before I’m whisked off to Dave’s very important dart’s evening.
I insist on drinking pints instead of the customary schooners and get roped into a team. My dismal form from Canberra continues to start with but after an hour or so the pints kick in and by the last game I’m on fire with a 133 and a first time double finish. I’ve always said you have to be half cut to play decent darts. Despite Dave’s promise that we’d be back by 9.30 it’s almost midnight by the time we stagger home. There’s no hard feelings as Sharon is probably used to it so we all don our swimmers and hop straight into the Jacuzzi for the ‘name game’ with port shot penalties (only a couple of litres left now!). Just as we’re getting into the swing of things a couple of strippergrams arrive – wow Dave sure knows how to throw a party. Just as I’m about to ask the cute blonde why she’s taking so long to get her kit off I’m told to shut up and stop hassling the local constabulary. Luckily they see the funny side and leave, cheerfully asking us to keep the noise down a bit as they’ve received complaints from the neighbours.

Dave generously insists on us having the master bedroom, but despite this I wake up with a hangover from hell. That’s all I need just as we’re off on a trip to the Yarra Valley. 3 panadol ease the pain and by the time we’ve quaffed a couple of sparkling aperitifs @ Domaine Chandon and sat down to lunch @ Rochdale winery I’m quite cheerful again. We go to the fancy restaurant rather than the café as we’re thanking Dave and Sharon for their very generous hospitality. The food is great as is the company and we wile away a couple of hours reminiscing on our sordid pasts to fill in the gaps for Karen.

A few friends come round for a BBQ dinner but sadly Nick doesn’t make it (he always had a problem getting off his arse that one). Never mind as his house is our next stop. It’s an early start and the ever generous Sharon and Dave are up at 6am to make breakfast and say goodbye. I’m taking Karen and Harley to the airport for a last minute flight to Adelaide to spend a couple more days with Simone and the kids. We lose our way a little and Karen is convinced we are going to miss the flight but after a minor panic we manage to get back on track and end up with time to spare in the departure lounge for a bit of brekky.

Ruby and I head to the Rod Laver Arena to find out about Real Tennis as the phone book at the airport is no help. The place is practically deserted but we do admire some statues of tennis greats including Roy Emmerson who won a record 13 grand slams (one more than Sampras but will Federer catch him?) and Rod Laver himself who was the only person to achieve the Grand Slam of tennis by winning all 4 majors in the same year. We find the pro shop open and I discover that the Real Tennis club is down the road in Richmond. I ring up and book a game for the following Monday.

The next stop is St Kilda’s again, this time to Nick and Lisa’s house. We meet the kids: Henry (8) and Charlotte (5) and although I’ve been warned by Nick that Henry doesn’t like girls, Ruby and Henry hit it off straight away. I think it helped that I told Ruby to take an interest in his rock collection. Anyway they are soon getting on so well that they have to be reminded to include Charlotte in their games as she’s getting a bit left out.

Nick and I head off for some shopping and get serendipitiously distracted by an excellent Pinot Noir tasting in Dan Murphy’s (the Australian equivalent of Majestic). Armed with a few bottles and some lamb from nearby Safeway we head back for Nick to work his new found culinary magic (it certainly wasn’t there in university days). Dave comes round just in time to enjoy the slow-roasted lamb kebabs and the dregs of the Pinot Noir and we chat about the old days so much that Lisa asks us why we can’t live in the present a bit. Good point but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of escapism every now and again.

I’m getting to enjoy my stay here as I get a Sunday lie in whilst the kids play well together followed by a lovely little fry up and no hangover. Maybe it’s true what they say about decent quality wine. We take a bus and tram into town for a Wagamama’s lunch followed by a great little dramatisation of Aesop’s fables by the Umbrella Revolution Theatre Group as part of the Melbourne Comedy Festioval. Ruby rather disturbingly says that her favourite bit was the killing of the goose that lays the golden eggs. I certainly learn something from the fable of the shepherd, the wind and the sun where the moral ‘gentle persuasion is often the best’ is particularly poignant to current childcare. Maybe a good smack on the bum is even better but sadly not very PC these days. It didn’t do me any harm or did it?

Our relaxing ice-cream/beer is cut short by a call from the police as Nick and Lisa’s alarm has been set off. We rush back but luckily it’s only Nick’s parents back from a trip to Maria Island Tasmania. I apologise for making the house a bit of a squeeze but they kindly tell me it’s no problem as they come over most years. We go for yet more food/booze shopping and this time Nick’s culinary delight is frittata that we wash down with my thank-you-for-having-me present namely a really stupendous bottle of 2005 Penfolds Bin 389.

On Monday Lisa kindly takes Ruby and the kids to the cinema having called in to school for a kiddie ‘sicky’ to their obvious delight. I play my third and final leg of the Real Tennis challenge and notch up an impressive 6-4, 6-2 win against a Fund Manager. Afterwards I rather childishly sneak onto the club’s second court for a couple of serves so that I can say I’ve now played on every court in Australia. I enjoy a couple of beers with my opponent and we are joined by a couple of his Real Tennis playing friends. One of them tells me about a court about to open in Dublin and of his own ambitious plans to build a court in Italy. You heard it here first.

There’s just time to dash to the airport to pick up Karen and Harley (in fact we cross on the escalators between arrivals and departures and luckily spot each other). After a quick hello to Nick and the extended family we take a taxi to Albert Park to catch up on my ex-work colleague Sarah, husband Nick and baby Matilda. It’s great to catch up and particularly to find out that Nick, who was unwell in the UK with a mysterious virus, is now much better. We enjoy an excellent Yarra Yarra Shiraz from Sarah’s family vineyard to cap a wonderful last day in Melbourne. So has my impression of Melbourne changed since the last visit? It certainly has, the main differences being better weather, better food and most importantly better company (and not just because Karen was away for a couple of days!).